TUESDAY 9 JANUARY
To provide context for this series of notes, a quote from Stuck on Pause by JJW Hadlock. “For many people who’ve grown up in western culture, learning to stay in tune with subtle changes in heart feeling is a challenge, at first. For many people who are using pause, it is nearly impossible. Therefore, I do not ask patients on pause to listen to their hearts. Instead, I ask them to talk to a Friend. Talking to and learning to love and trust the Friend who is always there, always listening, and always answering with truth is much, much easier. The result is the same: talking to the Friend helps make the heart more accessible and feel-able, and vice versa: learning to keep the heart as open as possible allows the most intimate sense of connection with a Friend. And they both stimulate the striatum and thus restore the Du channel flow through the center of the brain, which allows for the release of midbrain dopamine, which makes a person feel safe, and which is the immediate goal in working to turn off pause mode. So, talk to your Friend!”
Friday 5 January
Friend(s) have taken me into their care several times tonight. A move that seemed impossible I turned over to them and instantly it was completed and I could feel the energetic difference in my body and in the pericardium. Very inspiring.
Saturday 6 January
A vivid and long “visitation” dream of Robin M. (my fifteen years flatmate in Manhattan), heart wide open the whole time. Perhaps a new Friend?
Sunday 7 January
Waiting for eyes to adjust to dark before crawling onto bed, stood up using core strength only (look, Ma, no hands!) Tried to repeat, couldn’t, but did several iterations of slappy-clappy rhythmic patterns. Tried repeating those later and couldn’t. Complex moves are easier, though, and fun to figure out.
Monday 8 January
Early morning movement at home was looser than usual, and quicker. Then we went visiting to a beautiful small castle with an astonishing view of Orvieto and I reverted to cripple mode, as if the change of venue confused my brain. But on the way home it became obvious that I’d contracted an intestinal virus and thus proceeded the rest of my day. By bedtime things had settled down, and I was easily able to repeat the rhythmic sequences. Lots of communication with my new Friend, always with the effect of making a challenge easier. Typing, by the way, is pretty good.