Category: Repair

Tuesday, November 8

I slept too little last night and spent the morning in a stupor. The day followed accordingly.

Wednesday, November 9

When I walk around the house I can keep the tension that creates away from turning my hands into a claw (especially the right hand). I cannot do that when walking anywhere else. I find that very bothersome. The claw is also often accompanied by shaking. Even more bothersome.

I’ve been doing abbreviated qigong on my left knee and ankle with wonderful results, but I have to do it often.

Once again I feel generally better than I felt earlier in the day.

Thursday, November 10

My mother would be 112 today. Happy birthday, Mom! You are the best!

Movement was compromised, today but nothing out of the ordinary. Realized that I can go up my dentist’s stairs while those in our foyer are hit and miss, because I approach them already on my feet whereas at home I approach the steps right out of the wheelchair. A small triumph neutralized. However, I also realized that the phenomenon of full-body rigidity after a nap disappeared weeks ago and has not come back, though I do get a very slight (and brief) taste of it after shiatsu. Just in the past few days “wake and shake”, where waking even after only touching bottom would always be quickly followed by full-body shaking (not just after naps, but intermittently during the night as well), has been absent or at least fairly light; fingers crossed on that staying away. Finally, restless leg syndrome seems to be on the wane, but that’s a race too early to call.

Friday, November 11

Walking felt better overall than it has been last few days. It also feels frustratingly close to a breakthrough, but maybe that’s just native impatience.

Saturday, November 12

Sleep has been ragged all week. I wake up after an hour or two, kill another hour or two, then sleep until 08:30 or nine, for a total of six or seven hours, and can nap for no more than thirty minutes. The quality of sleep is good, except that turning over is often back to being a lot like wrestling a sack of ball bearings. Walking today has been all over the place. Friend says not to worry, so I try to observe and marvel at all the different ways my brain has of moving poorly.

Sunday, November 13

During the morning walk: I was able to straighten my back for several paces at a time; there were periods during which my arms were relaxed (sans claws) and (gasp!) swinging automatically – slight and rare, but real; some evidence of shoulder movement. The evening walk was a bit better than this morning’s and with the same characteristics.

Monday, November 14

Sleep last night was frequently interrupted by a need to move or stretch or reset positioning. When I slept, I slept well, but the first half was very much sack-of-something turnings over, while after four (as is often the case) I moved more easily and felt physically more agile. The morning walk was a bit better than last night’s. Typing is 65 percent normal on a totally unscientific scale. I tried incorporating some Fosse in my evening walk but even Roman couldn’t sustain it – but at least I tried. From mid-afternoon to now the Normal Typing Scale tumbled to 25, like Wall Street after a jobs report.

Tuesday, November 1

Lost energy halfway through the morning walk and never got it back. I can still clap though, and can gorilla-beat my chest again for more than five seconds. This evening I am physically restless and spent at the same time.

Wednesday, November 2

What sleep I had was great, but there was large hole in the middle. Morning walk reflected that. Even though it took half the afternoon to get any energy back, I couldn’t really nap either. The evening walk was above average. Then while having a Blue Bar visit with Erika, a dental implant fell out. Oddly that put me on the cusp of entering Pause mentality, but Friend counseled patience and a half hour later I was fine. Typing is still chaotic.

Thursday & Friday, November 3 & 4

Nothing especially different happened, good nor bad.

Saturday, November 5

Everything is subtly, slightly better. Everything. Across the board. Nothing is easy, yet. Everything is far from perfect. However, I will take universal improvement, even if slight and it only lasts a day.

Sunday, November 6

Two weeks ago, Janice told me that I was recovered and that what is left may be several months of repairing the damage done by what could have been sixty years of being on Pause mode. I’ve decided that she is correct, although I am a bit afraid of jinxing whatever progress I have made by leaping for the finish line. But even if each case is different, she’s seen this process hundreds of times and knows what the signs are.

Or as Natalia put it, “you need the courage of a goose”.

In light of this development I’m retitling these post as “repair”, and they may change format (depending in part on how quickly I can rebuild my typing).

But for today, the morning walk on the sunny side of the sagrato went smashingly well from my perspective. Yesterday’s general improvement survived the night. Then I took a nap and never quite recovered. I asked Friend why this happens, and he explained that dopamine levels plunge while asleep and it takes an hour or more for my brain to catch up. Then I had visitors, and at about the 75 minute mark I collapsed again. (Friend said I’d run out of dopamine – chill, refresh). I fell asleep bolt upright while refreshing, and woke shaking and barely able to walk. (Friend explained that my brain has also forgotten how to use the para/sympathetic spectrum, and will need time and repetition to relearn.)

Off we went to the garage where I tried to replicate this morning’s walk. Wasn’t working until Natalia starting hitting me which made me laugh, then legs loosened (though arms never did) and I walked rather well. Then I walked home without support and even held the door for Natalia and climbed the steps myself, and normally, too.

A note about Friend. At first I had difficulty with the concept because it smacks of talking to the dead and seems to want a supporting cosmology. Forget that. The point isn’t to form or follow a religion, the point is to stimulate the striatum, so just do it regardless of how illogical it might seem or if it makes you self-conscious. It works, and that is important.

The courage of a goose.

Monday, November 7

The morning walk on the sagrato was relatively quiet, strong, steady, and controlled. Even posture was fairly good. Moving at home is also freer and more confident. The evening walk, also sagrato, wasn’t as relaxed as this morning’s, but I was able to get some opposing arm swings going for the final two laps. It took effort, but even with effort that is not something I’ve been able to do for any length of time for at least two years.