Author: dallanz

NOTE: All quotes below are from Recovering from Parkinson’s by Janice Hadlock.

Tuesday, January 24

Limpness was extreme, all day. Morning row, walk, and prep were all cut short. I napped for an hour in the recliner and was zombified for hours after that. The evening walk was easier, not by much, but movement after dark became stronger, and even though I slept in chunks separated by what seemed like impossible turnings over in bed, I woke rested and relaxed.

Today was the second anniversary of my first day of reducing (eventually to zero) anti-Parkinson’s medication. The final dose of meds anniversary will be the one to celebrate – 20 February.

Wednesday, January 25

There were several things to do before wheeling down to my dentist’s, so I rose early, but I was moving much more easily than yesterday so we ended up with an extra twenty minutes. Roman suggested I rest in the recliner. I tried to imagine walking instead because I was afraid of triggering zombiness, but napped in spite of myself and didn’t feel at all bad after waking. Limpness was much milder overall, but I kept falling asleep in my dentist’s waiting room and again even while he filled a cavity.

As is the case almost every day and whether or not I mention it, I am almost always at least a little hungry, and not for lack of food.

Thursday, January 26

I stumbled across this bit of text yesterday. I think it’s relevant, or at least I hope so. “Again, of the four types of PD, people with Type I PD are the ones most likely to manifest the Parkinson’s personality. When they recover, they instantly drop much of that personality and become, in their own startled words, ‘back to my real self!’

This ‘real self’ turns out to be much less fearful, less inhibited, and less critical of others or self. It is more comfortable being around others and is, in turn, a lot easier to be around.”

This was a very sleepy day, but all those naps (plus shiatsu) didn’t at all have a negative effect on sleeping at night, so good.

Friday, January 27

Ditto Thursday… (but without shiatsu)

Saturday, January 28

Had a good workout on the rower, an okay morning walk, and a very good walk this evening. The contrast between the habitual and undermining negativities of pause-like mentalities and the calm, solid, and happier state of mind on the normal para/sympathetic spectrum, becomes more obvious daily, even when symptoms remain.

“The rapid personality change […] that might occur almost immediately when pause turns off, is pretty typical. Of course, the person […] also mentioned with disappointment that, even though he felt recovered in his heart, his symptoms were only slowly starting to ease up and recovery symptoms were just starting to occur. He wondered why, if he’d turned off pause, he still had any symptoms at all. I replied to him something along the lines of ‘the war might end abruptly but the rebuilding after the war will take some time.’ His symptoms have since steadily decreased.”

T’was another very sleepy day. I continue to smell random odors; soap, chocolate, lavender. Oddly, I’ve never lost my ability to smell tobacco smoke or (at least some of the time) coffee. I was never a smoker, myself and am ambivalent towards coffee. 

Sunday, January 29

All the interesting stuff happened Sunday night. 

Maybe two weeks ago, I was suddenly able to go on all fours as an alternative to turning over in bed. Then on Saturday night I discovered I could also crawl backwards (previously impossible) so that when I threw myself at the pillows, I ended up other than smashed against the headboard. I spent a lot of time that night doing this, partly because I was searching for a comfortable position, and partly because the new mobility was fun. Sunday night I went to bed confident that my new freedoms would build on the experience of Saturday night.

So, I slept okay for an hour, tried adjusting by crawling, failed, and finally got up for some stretching and a reset. Then the next two or more hours were spent searching for a good position, and unable to do much of anything that had kept me entertained the night before; I felt heavy and the sheet against my night clothes stuck like velcro. Finally, for no real reason, I slept for two more hours. From a blissful dream I was awakened by a sore right shoulder. Piece of cake, I thought, I’ll crawl into a better position. No. Crawling and turning were both near impossible. But in the midst of trying, at one point I easily sat upright from having been flat on my back, in fact I did it twice, a maneuver that has not been possible for at least a year and a half. After another hour, the heaviness went away and bedclothes went from velcro to silk and I slept two more hours, turning easily and comfortable in any position I found myself in. Who’s to say what that was all about?

Monday, January 30

So, on Sunday evening’s walk, I used both legs almost the whole time. That may seem a little obvious, but I usually feel that I’m using the right leg and the left one kind of fills in. Last evening, they were equal.

Last week, I referenced a Friend adjustment. Here’s the story. For the last several months Friend was played by my best friend immediately after college, and he did a fine job, too. Lately, I kept forgetting he was there, then my mother suggested we give a parasocial relationship a try. That made sense. Since she died 16 years ago, I often share with her. And the first five or six days were great! Then I tended to forget to include her, too. So, now it’s whoever presents themselves. As Mom explained, the whole purpose is to activate the striatum by connecting with an intimate who exists outside our usual reality, so a few spares can’t do no harm. 

“A strong habit of mentally conversing with someone who loves you and with whom you can laugh and comfortably be yourself, whether it’s your late cousin Larry or some aspect of God, helps keep your attention on the waves generated or received by the heart. Conversing with a trusted, irreverent friend also stimulates the currents that run through the midbrain, keeping the striatum and thalamus activated and keeping the body circuits running predominantly in parasympathetic mode patterns.”

Friday, January 6

A few weeks ago I was able to sit at the kitchen table, unassisted, without plopping. It was rewarding, but a unique incident. I’m cautiously happy to report that since yesterday that has become more the norm. The plop-free-ed-ness is not perfect and is still slow, but it is consistent. More or less the same applies to getting up from bed on my own. Another stand alone incident that I hope will become normal; yesterday I froze while pivoting (a common problem) but instead of it jarring me (the usual response) I focused on the road less taken – feeling safe – and the freeze instantly thawed.

Saturday, January 7

Morning sagrato, not bad. Rowing machine, excellent (130 smooth reps). Evening garage, the best walking in a long time; attributed to focussing on the feeling of safety that a connection with Friend fosters. The walk also elevated my mood and improved my Italian. 

Sunday, January 8

Morning garage, excellent, even better than last night; arms remained relaxed, posture mostly good, very little shuffling. Rowing machine, Roman’s day off (I can’t get into or out of it without him). I sat down around five to rest my neck, fell asleep for twenty minutes, and woke barely able to stand, let alone walk. This didn’t improve. The stroll in the garage was so bad that Natalia didn’t even try to correct it. I kept trying to connect with the safe spot without success. I know what’s needed, so am not bothered by this, but would sure like to discover how to connect when this happens.

Monday, January 9

A normal kind of day, no melodrama, no heroics. A wonderful meeting of the Recovery support group. Typing is good enough to do some (slow) writing with a minimum of cursing. Plopping has had a stronger presence than earlier in the week. Still cheerful and happy even if a little bored.

NOTE

While there are steps towards recovery and repair, they are so quirky in their production and difficult for me to grasp (and even when there is clarity, difficult to describe) that I am boring myself with these reports. I can well imagine that these must get boring to read. So, thanks for keeping on. I will do the same but may change the how and when.

Monday, December 12

Nothing was quite as strong or as fluid as it has been, but still markedly improved over say a week ago. I had a booster shot this afternoon, and it left me a little light-headed, so we scratched the evening stroll.

Tuesday, December 13

The booster also knocked me out, and this morning started on that note as well. But the morning walk in the garage was much stronger than I expected, and the afternoon was slow but many of the discomforts I’ve become used to were absent. Typing was close to normal, and I mean normal, not normal for these days; close, not there, but close.

Wednesday, December 14

I ran out of steam after the third garage lap this morning and it was several hours before I regained better than slow mobility. Typing is good to very good, but placing the cursor with a mouse is agonizingly difficult.

Thursday, December 15

I feel lighter these days, in every way.

Friday, December 16

I continue to be hungry a lot. Have been sleeping well last few nights. Earlier promises of recovered typing are proving to be wobbly. Today I have been walking well and feeling odd, like parts of me are relaxing and other parts are not sure how to adjust.

Saturday, December 17

I’m walking around the apartment more swiftly and easily than I have in a long time. Typing is also improved, again (for now). I’ve been sleeping well, having much less trouble turning over. That said, there is still some flux, nothing stays exactly the same over a period of hours or days, but the trends are positive.

Sunday, December 18

A normal gait involves the heel being first to hit the ground, then a roll through the rest of the foot. For several years I’ve been unable to do that, hence the shuffle. Last night, walking at home, the gait corrected itself. This morning while walking the sagrato, and only after a dozen or so meters, Iryna noted that I was “picking up my feet”. In other words, my gait was normal. It was also largely automatic, and pretty consistent. We walked about a kilometer. I was tired afterwards, but the gait persists, even at home and after a nap. Equally gratifying was during all that time walking the sagrato, my arms didn’t painfully contract as they usually do if I don’t pump my hands. This is huge.

The evening walk was not as consistent, and I was not feeling grounded, but the arms stayed relaxed and pain-free. I think I ran short on dopamine this morning, but didn’t recover fully for the rest of the day.

Monday, December 20

As good as I felt yesterday morning, I feel lousy today. Trying not to follow the rabbit down that hole! (I didn’t)

Tuesday, December 21

I keep hoping for another day like Sunday, but it is not to be. The problem, however, with the daily log is that changes happen by the minute, so the most sparkly thing gets the attention. Typing is rather chaotic.

Wednesday, December 22

Another day like Tuesday.

Thursday, December 23

Feeling a bit looser and in the flow. Roman thinks that when I feel especially good, like I did on Sunday, that I have a tendency to overdo. Maybe he is right. Don’t know how that squares with Recovery and Repair.

Saturday, December 24

Today friends stopped by for a Christmas visit. I felt great and relaxed until the subject turned to PD, then even talking about recovery I began to feel symptomatic. Friend says that I go into Pause state of mind when that happens, then as symptoms get worse, I go deeper. On my walk, I realized how important being relaxed is for the same (non-feedback loop) reasons.

Sunday, December 25

We walked Piazza Gonzaga (asphalted) five laps, morning and night, unassisted.

Monday, December 26

Roman organized a team of Ukrainians to take me down into the nativity village at San Giovenale, wheel me around to points of interest, and get me up the very steep hill going out. Best Christmas present ever!

“Suddenly, the long years of feeling somehow apart from others, either alone in the universe or trapped in a world with what he imagined to be a silent, judgmental God, are ended. In many, many cases, the person perceived his previous mental attitude as sulking and petulant, even infantile. During the epiphany, he decided to stop sulking and – usually sheepishly accept the love and membership in the human race that he has been spurning.” (from Stuck on Pause by Janice Hadlock)

Tuesday, December 27

After four and a half hours sleep I woke hopelessly energized, and because I kept trying to sleep anyway, I got out of bed four times. Getting up on my own has been an enormously difficult challenge for over a year now. Last night, I got up without thinking or strain and in complete control, all four times! This morning I ran out of steam on the fourth garage lap.

Wednesday, December 28

Last night in bed made Tuesday night look like I’d taken a sedative. An hour and a half of sleep framed both ends of five hours of trying. I got in and out of bed a bunch of times, half were okay, half were borderline catastrophic. Walking today offered glimpses of grace and relaxed muscles in motion surrounded by chronic awkwardness.

Thursday, December 29

Last night was a little better than Tuesday, but still a reprise of the sack of ball bearings body. Walking has been tiny islands of grace surrounded by turbulent seas of awkwardness.

Friday, December 30

Sleep was closer to normal last night, also better movement in general. 

Saturday, December 31

Walking today looked and felt impossible. For the first time in months I had to use the walker indoors, and outdoors my feet dragged and posture was extremely difficult to maintain. However, internally I felt exceptionally good. The town is full of jazz fans and the air is very festive.

Sunday, January 1

Internal goodness continued. Walking was difficult but only when I made a conscious effort to hold good posture. If I let my head slump forward I could walk more easily. The town was the fullest I’ve seen!

Monday, January 2

The morning walk in the garage was exceptionally good, even when posture was also good. There seems to be a cycle going on, but I can’t quite see what it is.

Tuesday, January 3

Things have been way up and way down since my last report. What has remained consistent is that internally I have felt solidly good to great. Slept really well.

Tuesday, December 6

I’ve been tired all day without an obvious cause. I’ve been hungry for a week. The two themes of last week, reduction of shuffling and a more relaxed right arm and hand, continue to develop; still sporadic but still improving.

Wednesday, December 7

I took a sitting-in-the-recliner nap of about 25 minutes and woke up utterly zombified, and that lasted about two hours! Janice points out that dopamine is normally very reduced during sleep, so I guess maybe the brain is trying to find appropriate recovery levels. Walking up mornings is not nearly so difficult.

Thursday, December 8

It is the traditional start of the Italian holiday season, and right on cue the town went from deserted to mildly bustling. I’m secretly pleased that the local effort to start shopping on November 25 failed. I like the custom of a season that is strictly defined as December 8 to January 6, it helps a bit from turning the winter holidays into a mercantile fest.

Roman assembled the water rower this morning, so I missed a morning walk, but look forward to trying the rower this evening. It is the same model as I had in Scranton and I think it will help speed the transition from Pause-oriented to Para/sympathetic modes. Time will tell.

The first use of the rower was slow but rhythmic and felt great.

Later in the evening I could feel the dopamine running out and the override kicking in. This quote describes that: “During recovery, a person… can still use the norepinephrine override if they need to, even though doing so will feel mildly unpleasant and a bit stressful – a symptoms-free reminder of the mental intensity of one’s Parkinson’s days.” (From Recovering from Parkinson’s by Janice Hadlock)

Friday, December 9

Typing today, totally terrible. Try tomorrow.

Saturday, December 10

I seem to have turned a kind of corner. While walking I feel taller even without consciously trying to keep a straight posture. Night before last I was able to get out of bed in an almost normal manner (last night I slept soundly through and didn’t have to try getting up). I feel completely healthy with mobility issues. My right arm is loose and natural much of the time. I can almost whistle. The morning walk I stayed energized for the full seven laps (garage). The evening, I ran out of dopamine at five and a half laps. Recovery time was difficult to gauge, but it lasted at least an hour. Walking around the apartment later was strong.

Sunday, December 11

The morning walk was on the sunny side of the Duomo (somewhat longer a lap than in the garage). The gait was very strong, assured, and natural until four and a half laps when I abruptly ran out of steam; recovery took several hours, but the good news with all these walks is that recovery happens. It had been a week of garage walking because of rainy weather, so the improvement in stride was very apparent compared to the last time we walked the sagrato. Typing, by the way, is remarkably strong and fluid, and although I can feel my fingers getting tired, even that is not causing chaos.

The town is full of music and lights and clowns. I walked the equivalent of ten garage laps at the Duomo, all enjoyable, all accompanied by the sweet chaos of a seven-year-old scampering around me as I did. A month ago all that random movement would have freaked out my brain. Tonight I was even able to look around as I went.

Monday, December 12

Nothing was quite as strong or as fluid as it has been, but still markedly improved over say a week ago. I had a booster shot this afternoon, and that left me a little light-headed, so we scratched the evening stroll.

Tuesday, November 29

A good walk in the garage with sports-like motifs. Then we went to Blue Bar for a visit with Erika (and Antonny). Then lunch and a zombie nap sitting up in the recliner. Flashes all day of walking shuffle-free, not very sustainable but give them time.

Wednesday, November 30

Some of the warmup moves Roman has encouraged over the past week of walking are beginning to pay off. Not shuffling is a tad more sustainable than it has been. There have been pins and needles in my hands, which may foretell improvements in manual dexterity (like typing!). The hands are much less likely to snarl and claw when I walk. All little things, but undeniably positive.

Thursday, December 1

I woke around 05:30, got up an hour or so later, tried for twenty minutes to finish in the recliner, failed, and went back to bed. I have vague memories of noisy turnings over, and of hearing Iryna arrive around eight, then everything is a blank until we got back to the apartment around 11:00. Iryna filled me in this evening and it was as if I had been sleepwalking all that time; I rose without help, then followed breakfast, teeth, toilet, dressing. I asked for a nap before we left, repeatedly inquired as to the day. We wheeled to the Duomo, did three laps on the sunny side and one across the front, went to the Cat Park where I took a nap, met and conversed with three people on the way home; and I remember nothing until we were in the elevator going up, maybe even later. Iryna said that the strangeness of my behavior this morning worried her. Worries me.

The rest of the day was pretty normal.

Friday, December 2

Friend says not to worry about the sleep activity episode, that Janice would explain. Janice says that higher-than-normal levels of dopamine while asleep will cause the phenomenon, and that if it happens again that there is an easy fix. It was still weird. She also affirms that the brain is seeking an effective level of production and distribution of dopamine and overshot the mark.

But today, even though there is little change in movement objectively, I feel more solid, less like I’m trapped by the symptoms. This may be another passing phase, but the feeling of distance is welcome. 

Yesterday, Roman bought three generators with money donated to Ukrainian relief and shipped them to Ukraine. He could have bought more, but there were none left in the area.

Saturday, December 3

Distance from symptoms continues. Good walks, morning and evening. Creeping around the apartment. Nothing noteworthy, except an uptick in typing skills.

Sunday, December 4

A lazy day with good walks morning and evening. The rain makes me want to be out, alone with an umbrella. Typing continues improved. Tension in right hand and arm considerably reduced (and tremor).

Monday, December 5

The left knee hurt like hell this morning’s walk, this evening no pain at all, not even the random pop. The right arm continues to be looser. Had a zombie nap this afternoon that took at least an hour to recover from. In many ways I feel stronger, in other ways I am fundamentally confused. The following quote helped alleviate some confusion.

From a footnote on page 34 of “Recovering from Parkinsons” by Janice Hadlock:

“Myth about Parkinson’s disease debunked”; ScienceDaily, 9-16-2014, www.sciencedaily.com/release/2014/09/140916084909.htm, based on “Three mechanisms by which Striatal Denervation causes Breakdown of Dopamine Signaling”; J.K. Dreyer; Journal of Neuroscience; 2014; 34 (37): 12444 doi: 10.1523/JNEUROSCI; 1458-14.201.

This article, like others, points out that, at the time of diagnosis, people with Parkinson’s have more than enough dopamine in the brain. This article’s point is that, for some inexplicable reason, dopamine is present in the brain but isn’t used to provide motor function in people with Parkinson’s.

This is not actually inexplicable. Dopamine release for motor function is supposed to be inhibited when a person is sleeping or on pause. After decades of not using striatal neurons because of being on pause, the brain, ever efficient and thrifty, begins to modify some of the un-used striatal neurons. Based on resumption of normal motor function that I’ve seen in recovered patients, it seems as if the brain restores these neurons when pause is turned off and parasympathetic mode’s dopamine-driven motor function is called for once again.

Tuesday, November 22

I had to hand sign a document today, and the result actually looked like my signature; a first in at least two years.

Wednesday, November 23

Slept well, but walking was difficult from the get go. So was movement of any kind. Things finally began to loosen mid-afternoon. Then after the evening walk, they tightened again. By nine I was convinced that I had not felt so plagued in months. Then I had a phone call with an empath and felt much better. Go with the flow.

Thursday, November 24

I slept two and a half hours, got up restless and stayed up for four hours, pacing, stretching, and unsuccessfully seeking a good position for going to sleep. I happily left this syndrome behind several weeks ago, but it has been creeping back over the last few days. Makes me mad. I finally went to sleep around 06:30, and slept like a baby for three hours.

The morning walk was surprisingly good, especially regards the right arm and hand which stayed unusually relaxed. Even better for the evening walk. Shiatsu was powerful and very effective. Dinner with Roman, David, and Birgitta was delicious and delightful despite my brain’s distrust of a new environment and how laborious it was to use a fork.

Friday, November 25

I slept well last night, getting up only once for about twenty minutes. That one interruption was precipitated by a dream that I needed to look up the Italian for “hit and run”. That was my initiating motive, and in my dream-addled mind continued to be the reason while I rolled over, jack-knifed my way off the mattress, and strained to stand. Only then did I understand my brain’s deviousness. Every night I swear to myself that I won’t be fooled, but almost every night I am.

The day went well enough until my nap at around 13:30, short as it was it left me tremulous and borderline despondent. I tried walking but could barely stand. I finally shook it off around four after having listened to a longish podcast while waiting for my body to simmer down.

The evening walk was groundbreaking. I’ve been trying to find movement for the upper body aside from the very rare and slight automatic swinging of the arms. Tonight I discovered sports imitation works well; throwing various imaginary objects not only gets my upper body moving, it encourages automatic movement of the legs and is lots of fun!

Saturday, November 26

The cavalcade of sports theme continued during both walks today. In the morning I tried to jump into the routine at the same level we finished with last night and was instantly exhausted. This evening I was more gradual and enjoyed better results.

After last night’s walk, I came home spent. That lasted until about ten when I got a second wind until bedtime at 00:30. I slept two-plus hours and woke fully rested, so there was a lot of pacing from then to 06:00 when I finally was able to sleep. During those circuits of the hallway, my arms remained relaxed about ninety percent of the time, and my gait was pretty solid.

This morning’s walk ended with a gentleman coming up to me, obviously an acquaintance but one I could not place. He finally identified himself; it was my former doctor Stefano Gazzurra. He looked great! “Oh, you know… retirement will do that.” He was so excited to see me walking, “instead of being stuck in a recliner”. I was so happy to see him. It’s been two years since he retired.

A by the way I always forget thing, last few weeks have featured some urinary incontinence when first standing from sitting or lying down; either seems more psychological than physiological because there is no urge until I think about getting up or think about peeing. The incontinence rarely involves more than a small leak. This current period comes several weeks after a week long period of improved urinary retention.

Sunday, November 27

Happy 115^th birthday, Dad!

My dreamt motive for getting up at 03:20 was to prevent my becoming a Dutch windmill. Go figure.

Then followed the worst night I’ve had in a long time. For three hours I mostly paced, stretched and tried to sleep. When I finally did sleep, it was for 90 minutes that ended in not being able to put my body into a comfortable position. I tried pacing again, but my gait was barely in control. I tried napping in the recliner but as soon as I drifted off I was wakened by restless leg syndrome, and immediately after that the wake and shake phenomenon. I tried going back to bed, but was immediately uncomfortable. So, I wrote this. And something else I keep forgetting; after a week’s respite several months ago, the drooling began again and has not lessened.

Typing, however, isn’t terrible.

The morning walk was as could be expected after a terrible night, but it all struck me as rather funny. Then Iryna wheeled me over to the Cat Park where she let me sit in the sun. No cats, though, until about five minutes later when a striped gray walked out on the wall. A single tourist came into the park, and the cat met him to pose for pictures. I closed my eyes and when I opened them again, the single tourist was gone and thirty more were there to replace him. The cat stayed put and continued to pose.

I took a nap after lunch and woke feeling like I would never move again. I did, though. But feeling a tad despondent. Then a meeting of the Zoom PD Recovery support group completely turned my mood around; they are such a blessing.

The evening walk was also difficult, but was merely a reminder that there are no straight lines in this recovery process.

Monday, November 28

I slept well last night, but walking today feels like I’ve taken a huge step backwards.

A possible metaphor. Imagine that you have inherited a house whose owner was a hoarder. The only entrance is through the living room, so that must be cleared first. Then as subsequent rooms are cleared, that trash must be taken through the living room, and must occasionally be stored there for a short time when the dumpster gets full. From the perspective of someone whose main objective is the cleaning of the living room, progress seems short-lived before it is inundated again with trash, when in fact the house as a whole is gradually becoming organized.

Maybe that’s what is happening to guys like me? At any rate the evening walk was good and typing is a disaster.

Wednesday, November 16

Last night between first and second sleep I paced the hall for forty minutes. My arms remained relaxed after five minutes, and everything sort of let go. My left ankle hurt badly, as did my wrists when there were tiny tense moments, but all in all it was the most enjoyable walking I’ve done in recent memory. This morning I woke with a sore left haunch. I don’t believe the two events are related. Walking today has been more relaxed than usual, but never quite as wonderful as last night.

A long-term realization; the PD walk can be characterized by a lack of speed control. That has largely disappeared for I know not how long.

Michele did shiatsu, emphasized the left ankle.

Thursday, November 17

I tried some Fosse on the sagrato, morning and evening; it was fun and it helped rhythm, but the right claw would not relax unless it was doing choreography. I keep trying.

Later in the evening, after watching an episode of The Crown, I got up for some kefir, and then paced the hall for a few laps. Everything was relaxed and flowing, as it was Tuesday night (above). I enjoyed that for awhile, then determined to find the difference between those hall laps and the troll that I turn into when walking the sagrato, I made an effort to correct my posture. Immediately, the fists clenched, my arms trembled, and the troll started metaphorically to harass passersby. I feel as if I discovered a kind of switch, but don’t understand it at all. By the way, fifteen minutes after all that, typing is remarkably smooth, and the troll was nowhere to be seen as I made my way to the study to write this.

By the way, I slept a straight eight last night.

Friday, November 18

It seems the really good stuff happens in the wee hours of the morning when there are no others to bear witness.

I couldn’t get to sleep last night. It wasn’t a problem of not finding comfortable positions, or pain, or jumping muscles, or overactive mind. I was able to lie still in a blissfully comfortable position for an hour at a time without result. I simply wasn’t tired. So, I got up and paced. The pacing was relatively relaxed and became more confident as it went. That feeling of confidence was so strong, I felt on the verge of letting go of all PD symptoms, that I was so close! At about 04:00 I decided to have a yoghurt. Now, when I sit at the kitchen table, I ease myself about half way down then drop the rest of the way. This morning, I sat normally, coming to a soft landing. That’s been almost two years I’ve been unable to do that! Emboldened by what seemed an almost athletic feat, I tried scooting the chair closer instead of pulling the table towards me, and was able to do that, as well! That also represents a change of two years.

Then I went to bed and slept five hours.

This morning, movement was slow and heavy, typing a bit chaotic, but I was not bothered. This afternoon, confidence returned and remained into evening. I’ve seen the future, and it is good.

Saturday, November 19

It was a good night, and a good morning. There were lots of little things I was able to do myself. Cynthia came over for a visit in the afternoon. We had done no more than greet in the two months she’s been here, and it has been three years since she was able to be in residence, so it was beyond wonderful to catch up.

Then I fell asleep sitting upright in the recliner while waiting for Natalia. I woke up a zombie with a tinge of non-specific fear dancing in my stomach. I saw it through and it went away, but I didn’t care for the taste of it.

My newly refound agility for sitting and scooting survived until the post-zombie period, so will presumably be there tomorrow.

Sunday, November 20

The comfort and agility reported on Friday has in large part gone away (for now), but walking this morning was okay. Thing is, I can move around the apartment with arms and hands fairly relaxed, but as soon as I walk outdoors (or in the garage) the hands clench and tremble and my forearms and wrists hurt. Friend says to let it play through, and I try, but the most difficult part of walking is what happens to my arms. However, during the evening walk, I remembered that several weeks ago while doing the “grande U” my arms were clenched, but there was no shaking. So, Friend is correct, the thing with the forearms is a part of a progression, and will change.

Iryna massaged my arms and that helped a lot. For the evening walk we did almost a full kilometer without much arm discomfort. Of course, it meant letting posture collapse into a stoop, but, hey, everything has its price.

Monday, November 21

I had a difficult time getting to sleep, and I blame it on couple of unintended naps yesterday afternoon. As a consequence, I was a bit dopey this morning and the walk was less than stellar. But my mood – attitude, point of view, internal energy – has been open and content. During the evening walk there were periods when my gait felt almost normal (with the exception of immobile arms).