Tuesday, February 28
Last night during the awake between first and second sleep, my Friend offered to energize my pericardium. I said “sure”. He said, “But let me do it, nothing for you to do except observe and enjoy.” There immediately began an energy bath that started in the region of the heart and spread to parts of my upper body. It was glorious and lasted for about two minutes. When it was done, I wanted more, so tried mightily to repeat the experience. “Let me do it!” he said. I tried to let him, but nothing. It was only just now I realized that allowing needs to be completely receptive, and that even issuing an invitation is doing something. (Friend also warned me at the time that there would be a rebound, but not being sure what that meant, I didn’t write this until the week had proven his point.)
This evening’s walk featured seven garage laps of feet picked up and heel to toe steps. People have been telling me to walk that way for years and I simply could not sustain it. This evening, I could.
Wednesday, March 1
Shiatsu yesterday, so everything is a notch askew. The tremors shut off occasionally, but I don’t know why. Walking today was not bad, but I had to struggle to achieve last evening’s form for even half a lap, never mind sustaining it for several. But I was able to advance on my tax numbers, so that’s something!
Thursday, March 2
Today it became clear that for all of my adult life, if not longer, I have metaphorically had one foot on the brake and the other on the throttle, simultaneously. The PD is the result of having to work so hard to get nowhere, and finally letting go.
A twenty minute nap after lunch destroyed my energy, focus, and typing for the afternoon and evening.
Friday, March 3
Except for a few periods of spontaneous energized pericardium, it was a perfectly mediocre day. But the pericardium energized is such a glorious experience, I want to live there always. I submitted an application and am hoping to be given keys before long! Friend says to chill, and take it as it comes.
Saturday, March 4
It was a very choppy night. After repeated, and oddly benign dreams about Kristallnacht, I woke at 06:00, tired and uncomfortable, and spent a half hour throwing myself at the pillows hoping that I would find an agreeable position that would invite, or at least allow, the sleep I craved. I finally gave up and moved to the recliner where I fell instantly asleep. Around 07:00 I was awakened by creeping RLS, and still tired, threw myself onto the bed, was immediately comfortable, and was asleep in seconds. That is all so weird.
But I never did get the sleep I lacked (and I was limp as well), so despite the sun and well-wishers, I could barely walk when Iryna took me to the sagrato. After lunch I feel asleep in the recliner for two hours without a whisper of RLS, but each time I even approached waking, my body stiffened into an imitation of a wood plank, and shook violently for about a minute. Once awake, it was an hour before I felt I could risk trying my feet.
By the way, this morning there was no tremor. At all.
Sunday, March 5
Slept well enough that I was disappointed when Natalia woke me. Walked the streets around Grand Albergo Reale for the first time in weeks. It was a bit of a challenge. After lunch I spent two hours at the computer drafting and sending a letter to sixty people. It was also a bit of a challenge. Worn out, I sat down at 16:45 to wait for Iryna’s arrival at 17:00, figuring that if I dozed she would wake me. She ran late, I did fall asleep, so by the time she woke me I’d slept 35 minutes, hence the evening walk was much more than a bit of a challenge.
Monday, March 6
Another choppy, uneven night; slept well when I slept, but in between I wrestled to find acceptable positions. Between 04:00 and 07:00 I slept for an hour, paced the hall endlessly, stretched my back, and tried to get comfortably onto the bed maybe twenty times, then suddenly after a string of aborted attempts, it fell right and I was soon asleep. So weird. The rest of the day logically followed. I succumbed to a thirty minute nap around 14:30 and spent two hours trying to recover. The evening walk was awkward and shuffling, unlike the form during early morning hall pacing which was pretty damn good.
I’ve been begging Friend for more pericardial energy, and it does happen in life, only subtler. He says not to waste time and energy on being discouraged.