Repair – November I

Tuesday, November 1

Lost energy halfway through the morning walk and never got it back. I can still clap though, and can gorilla-beat my chest again for more than five seconds. This evening I am physically restless and spent at the same time.

Wednesday, November 2

What sleep I had was great, but there was large hole in the middle. Morning walk reflected that. Even though it took half the afternoon to get any energy back, I couldn’t really nap either. The evening walk was above average. Then while having a Blue Bar visit with Erika, a dental implant fell out. Oddly that put me on the cusp of entering Pause mentality, but Friend counseled patience and a half hour later I was fine. Typing is still chaotic.

Thursday & Friday, November 3 & 4

Nothing especially different happened, good nor bad.

Saturday, November 5

Everything is subtly, slightly better. Everything. Across the board. Nothing is easy, yet. Everything is far from perfect. However, I will take universal improvement, even if slight and it only lasts a day.

Sunday, November 6

Two weeks ago, Janice told me that I was recovered and that what is left may be several months of repairing the damage done by what could have been sixty years of being on Pause mode. I’ve decided that she is correct, although I am a bit afraid of jinxing whatever progress I have made by leaping for the finish line. But even if each case is different, she’s seen this process hundreds of times and knows what the signs are.

Or as Natalia put it, “you need the courage of a goose”.

In light of this development I’m retitling these post as “repair”, and they may change format (depending in part on how quickly I can rebuild my typing).

But for today, the morning walk on the sunny side of the sagrato went smashingly well from my perspective. Yesterday’s general improvement survived the night. Then I took a nap and never quite recovered. I asked Friend why this happens, and he explained that dopamine levels plunge while asleep and it takes an hour or more for my brain to catch up. Then I had visitors, and at about the 75 minute mark I collapsed again. (Friend said I’d run out of dopamine – chill, refresh). I fell asleep bolt upright while refreshing, and woke shaking and barely able to walk. (Friend explained that my brain has also forgotten how to use the para/sympathetic spectrum, and will need time and repetition to relearn.)

Off we went to the garage where I tried to replicate this morning’s walk. Wasn’t working until Natalia starting hitting me which made me laugh, then legs loosened (though arms never did) and I walked rather well. Then I walked home without support and even held the door for Natalia and climbed the steps myself, and normally, too.

A note about Friend. At first I had difficulty with the concept because it smacks of talking to the dead and seems to want a supporting cosmology. Forget that. The point isn’t to form or follow a religion, the point is to stimulate the striatum, so just do it regardless of how illogical it might seem or if it makes you self-conscious. It works, and that is important.

The courage of a goose.

Monday, November 7

The morning walk on the sagrato was relatively quiet, strong, steady, and controlled. Even posture was fairly good. Moving at home is also freer and more confident. The evening walk, also sagrato, wasn’t as relaxed as this morning’s, but I was able to get some opposing arm swings going for the final two laps. It took effort, but even with effort that is not something I’ve been able to do for any length of time for at least two years.