Tuesday, September 7
Slept well, woke feeling good. That was shattered immediately when I had to move. Movement was relatively fluid, but super slow. The morning walk was a marathon. I have no voice so the encounters I had with friends were difficult and exhausting. As the day passes, movement becomes more awkward but no less slow. Typing is hard enough to rule out writing. This may be an afternoon for podcasts and reading. It seems that once a week I am scheduled for a Parkinsonian day. Once a week ain’t so bad, if it stays that way. Friend says it will and that movement and imagining fluid movement will become easier. Here’s hoping. Found during the evening walk that longer steps are less shuffling; now to communicate that to Roman.
Wednesday, September 8
Slept well until 04:30, then hardly at all. Terrible typing day, so far. Longer steps are good for a closer to silent walk, also for stamina. Tried imagining better movement, some slight success before I fell asleep, uncomfortable chair notwithstanding. Evening walk was a bit tired. My voice is still hoarse, so I avoid conversation. Fell asleep easily enough, but ran out of dream space around three, and am unable to find comfy positions. May try going under covers, it may be time for that change.
Thursday, September 9
Tried going under covers, but couldn’t manage. Did listen to Sulic’s performance of Vivaldi’s Four Seasons while exercising, and confronted how out of order are my legs. I continue to try to imagine better brain-to-muscle connectivity, and continue to wonder if any of it is being done correctly. But even though movement is slow and limited, there are subtle improvements, too small (or specific) to describe, that I notice all the time. I guess it comes down to which wolf will I feed. I just reread a few of the chapters on recovery symptoms in Recovering from Parkinsons, and the one on limpness made me laugh, it described my experience so exactly. I’d read it before, but it meant more, this time. I realized once again that I’ve been recovering from drug (levodopa) dependance, broken ribs, two-weeks in bed, foot surgery, sore and swollen ankles, a cough and fever, and Parkinsons all at once, and things are bound to get confused. Now my only question is how much longer have I to go with this limpness thing, and there is no answer for that.
Friday, September 10
Slept well until 04:30, had a hard time being comfy until about 06:00, then slept well again until 08:00. Morning walk included several periods of walking absolutely normally, and it was nothing like I remember it being. No wonder I was having such a hard time imagining it! And it has been a very long time since I’ve experienced that kind of rhythmical, effortless walk. I hope this is the beginning of the brain’s reconnection process and continues. The same walk in the afternoon occurred for 40-50 meters at time, three or four times. It’s not something I can consciously provoke, in that way it’s like slipping into meditation – you know it when you get there, and getting there is less a matter of doing than allowing. Upper body was robotic and stiff all day.
Saturday, September 11
Slept until 03:00 then again from 06:00 – 08:30. Upper body feels a lot looser. Lower body is even limper than before. This showed up in the morning walk which was a shambles. There were distractions; a monologue from Roman, a load-in for some event that needs lots of special lighting and electronics, large groups of tourists. I never got the ultra-normal stride that happened yesterday, not even close, but I described what happened yesterday to Roman, and he affirmed it, he had noticed. That made me feel better, the walk was real. Legs remain super limp into the afternoon. Evening walk saw several periods of new normality, again; very encouraging.
Sunday, September 12
Slept until 04:00 then not much at all. Left foot became very active towards dawn, either RLS or recovery dyskinesia. Morning walk included periods of “perfect feet” as Roman put it. I don’t know if or how I provoke or encourage that, or if it simply happens. There seems to be a kind of effort involved. Whatever it is and however it works, perfect feet happened again on the evening walk.
Monday, September 13
Slept six and a half of eight hours, and soundly enough, but woke wanting more. Morning walk yielded only flashes of perfect feet – 10 to 20 seconds at a time – otherwise was exhausted and exhausting. I fell asleep at least twice on the way home, and napped immediately upon returning, but the right foot was active so a post-lunch nap was short and not particularly satisfying. Upper body feels, for the most part, loose and fluid. Evening walk was a catastrophe. Could not rise above really leaden shuffling. I finally got so frustrated that I started to stomp, and once that movement was relaxed it came the closest to perfect feet. Came close, but wasn’t really it. Turns were also shambolic. I otherwise feel pretty good today. Two forward and one back, I guess.