Tuesday, July 18
I wish the bad typing symptom were not so active these days, I have a lot to say. To cut to the chase; tracking symptoms can be like becoming fascinated with what should be thrown out while cleaning the attic. But ever-changing symptoms of the past week aside, I have often had a familiar sense of deep security, and a recognition that recovery is real and ongoing. The symptoms are part of a healing process that accelerates in opposition to how deftly I can set them free. That being said, as of today symptoms have returned to default levels, and while I am certain that self-induced pause has been turned off (with periodic revisits out of habit) I’m not certain about biological pause, and if it isn’t off yet, what to do next. In the meantime, I wait for symptoms improvement to cycle around for a bit longer than five days, which seems to be the pattern.
[the following is from Stuck on Pause by Janice Hadlock]
“Biological pause from trauma sometimes fails to turn off automatically after the body stabilizes. In these cases, the Five Steps can be used as a prod to turn off pause. Sometimes, biological pause fails to turn off because the injury remains unhealed due to the severity of the injury or mental dissociation from the injury: the body cannot heal that which it doesn’t know exists. In these cases, treatment of the injury and/or re-association with the injury will often lead to spontaneous completion of the Five Steps.”
On his own Roman recited a list of improvements in my condition that he has observed in the past year or so; it was impressive.