Tuesday, February 7
It matters, the (internal) company you keep.
Wednesday, February 8
Yesterday afternoon I had a flash of outstanding clarity. When I sat to write about it, I could only write what I entered for Tuesday. Then followed a rather strange evening.
The flash was triggered by Janice’s email response to last week’s post which she interpreted as thoroughly positive. I read the post over and she was right to do so, but some part of me resisted her reading of it. The flash was that I keep the internal company of a curmudgeon who perpetually undermines what I do and say. Recently, most of the time the friendly internal presences drown out the old fart, but for some reason (maybe Monday’s acupuncture) it didn’t work that way last night. Pacing the hall was a throwback to a year or more ago. Sleeping was all about not finding a comfortable position – all night long. Tremors were strong and random.
But also since Monday, my voice has been strong, humor intact, and rowing has been especially good.
By the time Roman arrived at five, poverty of movement had become severe, I could finish neither the rowing nor the walking routines, my mood crashed and everything felt inhibited.
To be continued.
Thursday, February 9
Janice writes: “with PD, acupuncture can cause a dopamine high, which, when it wears off, makes a person feel worse. (dopamine withdrawal). it’s just withdrawal. you’ll be re-stabilized in a few days.”
In the meantime I feel horrible.
On the positive; I’m reminded of what I felt like 18 months ago and the improvement since then is dramatic.
Friday, February 10
This I sent to my Italian acupuncturist, regards Monday’s needling, upon request –
Monday evening until Wednesday midday (more or less) I felt great; strong voice and energy, work on the rowing machine and with walking was especially good. High spirits, good typing.
Wednesday afternoon; severe poverty of movement set in (could still walk on my own, row for a couple of minutes).
Wednesday night; could not find a comfortable position in bed, at three I transferred to the recliner, slept in fits and starts.
Thursday; no walking unaided, speaking and writing very difficult, no appetite, difficult to maintain balance, sleep almost impossible and what I could do was in the recliner.
Friday; some walking, better spirits, terrible RLS and leg cramps.
Saturday, February 11
I slept in bed, and soundly, on Friday night. Felt much better all day, and was able to walk the hall from time to time. RLS was horrible in the evening while trying to watch a movie. Some of it continued into the night even while asleep, but I still was able to sleep well enough to feel rested Sunday morning.
Sunday, February 12
When friends David and Birgitta arrived at five for a visit, I was at the computer and feeling quite good if you discount flawed walking. We shared pastry, and they recounted their journeys over the past two weeks with David’s grandson, Aiden. I continued to feel great until David quoted a guide they hired in Pompei on how gladiatorial games were structured. In that moment I felt my brain go numb as I entered a mindset in imitation of pause mode. Suddenly the chair was uncomfortable, I felt a bit dizzy, and my voice turned fuzzy. Examined later, I understood that the brain’s chemistry had temporarily changed in that moment and would reset itself in time. But most importantly, I witnessed as real an event I’d previously accepted only as possible and/or theoretical, I felt the difference, and understood the habits at play.
Monday, February 13
For first sleep last night I slept until 05:00, rolling and changing positions in bed more easily than I have done in months or years. I got up for an hour, walked to the kitchen ungracefully but without terrible form, and turned and reached and pivoted without having to plan every move, an accomplishment unmatched in two years. Then I finished the final, exciting half hour of a movie I was watching before I turned in, and the excitement put me back a few notches (I observed a thing similar to yesterday’s experience) and a bit of RLS kicked in again. But the whole hour was as close to symptom free (the sole exception being the hobbling walk) as I have had since this adventure in recovery began two years ago next week.
But even more significantly, I was (and am) in high spirits, and this early morning the mechanics of recovery seemed blushingly simple. The next week or two may be very interesting. Stay tuned. (Typing this was as smooth and fast as a well-thrown frisbee.)