Wednesday, November 24
Around three or four this morning, I lost the sweet position for sleep, and had to get up several times to crawl up from the foot of the bed in an attempt to find another sweet position, one that I could sleep in. About the fifth or sixth try I decided that I needed to pace, that no position would work unless I did, so I got up to put on my sandals. As I picked up the first sandal I felt surge of pure anger, it was all I could do not to throw it at the bed. Then I got up to walk and for the next five minutes or so, I was on the para/sympathetic spectrum – walking was effortlessly fluid, without significant pain. I felt safe and happy in my body, and was symptom free! I also understood why pacing allows me to sleep; it releases dopamine.
For awhile it seemed that I could sustain the dopamine/adrenalin release by force of will (I could feel it in my brain), I even tried manufacturing a tantrum, but the release waned and there was no positive residual effect. Except that now I know that I can get there – be cured, am so very close – just as my heart has been telling me.
Walking later in the garage was painful and difficult, and even after a nap (gratefully taken after so little sleep last night) movement was labored and discomfort prevailed. It was striking, the contrast between those five minutes early this morning and the rest of the day.
According to the Parkinson’s Recovery Project (pdRecovery.org), people with PD symptoms function outside of the normal sympathetic/parasympathetic continuum. The problem, according to this hypothesis, is not a shortage of dopamine (decades of research have proven this, but convention overrides it) rather a deficit in its release. Anger is on the sympathetic end of that continuum, therefore it makes sense that the anger triggered a dopamine/adrenalin surge strong enough to breach the threshold of how much is required to stimulate fluid and automatic movement. That the exercises associated with PRP prepare for such a surge means that for five minutes this morning I experienced a cure; one that may not yet be strong enough to sustain itself, but it will gain stability in time. That being said, for about fifteen minutes after the surge, movement in my upper body remained easy and fluid.
This is exactly the encouragement to continue that I need just now. To my fellow travelers — be encouraged, too.